Remember where we started.
We started with a question.
Where is god when i need him?
And the answer is in verse 5.
Habakkuk says, "You're not listening, you are silent."
And God says, "I'm listening and I'm working."
And God says in verse 5, "I'm working in ways that would astonish you... it would stagger you. You would not believe it. Not just in little Judah, but in the whole world."

Let me tell you something, if you are in some kind of darkness, or cloud, or fear or doubt or apprehension or sickness or tension or problem:
Let me tell you something
When you wait in faith........... real faith
With God as the object of your faith
God is doing things that we cant understand, we can't comprehend, we wouldn't believe
I mean if God, He said to Habakkuk
If I told you what I am doing...... whew
What if God today said, "I wanna tell you what i am doing in your life."
We'd sit back and say my I never would have guessed it, I wouldn't believe it, I cant understand it. It's far beyond anything.

God is working. God is moving. God is active.
And don't miss the miracle by not waiting!
Don't miss the transformation God wants to bring your life, by not waiting.
Don't miss the intimacy that he has for you, that he has for me, in extreme situations by not waiting.

How do we wait?
We wait with our full weight put down on God.
And know that He is doing something supernatural...... marvelous.
If we will just learn to wait, they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.
They will mound up with wings as eagles, they will run, they will run, and they will not get tired or winded.
They will walk and they will never get exhausted.
That's what happens.
That's what happens.
What He gives to you and to me when we wait.
We wait and we wait.
He's doing things.
He's working in ways that would astound us.
When we wait by faith on the Lord.

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YOU SEE THERE IS YOUR ANSWER. WAIT. TIME. PATIENCE. The ONE thing that YOU CANNOT DO is SPEED UP TIME.

Good things come to those who wait is not a saying, it's a belief. Don't lose faith in your friends, family, higher power, or whatever it is.

NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE FIXED IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE FIXED RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE YOU WANT IT TO.

Financial pressure is one reason many people attempt or commit suicide.
Did you know that filing bankruptcy is a much easier and effective solution to financial problems than suicide?

Suicide...what Happened to David?

According to Merriam Webster suicide is defined as:

1 a : the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind b : ruin of one's own interests <political suicide> c : apoptosis <cell suicide>
2 : one that commits or attempts suicide

There are topics that no one likes to talk about, at least openly that is. Everyone seems to be more comfortable talking about love or even politics. But when it comes to “suicide”, voices seem to lower and you can barely hear folks as they whisper that name. There's shame that seems to be tied to that word. There are families and friends who ask the infamous question. “Could I have prevented it?” While I am not an expert on the topic, I have experienced the gut wrenching pain of losing a loved done by this means. My brother in-law took his life in 1988. Here is my story and some after thoughts of the event.

There had already been trouble in paradise for my older sister and her marriage. She married a man she had grown up with. David was a part of our family. He was also the son of my dads best friend from college. His parents and my parents were best friends! David was more than my brother in-law. I loved him as if he was my own brother! When my sister fell in love with David, the whole family couldn't have been happier. We all celebrated and soon they were married. For a while, I must admit that I was the envious sister, I was still single and so much wanted to fall in love and marry the man of my dreams. Sis soon moved to Pittsburgh and had that house with the white picket fence. Babies were born and pictures were sent of her happy moments with her beautiful family. When she came to Florida for a visit, her happy family was what I dreamed of!

But something happened after 7 years of marriage. I'm not talking about that 7 year itch; this was something dark and terrible. This something led her to the arms of my mom and back home to Florida, with just 3 small children. Her husband was behaving strangely. And because this is a sensitive issue for me, I will not elaborate. His behavior was out of sorts and falling short of the typical husband. For the record, he wasn't cheating on my sister. A different side of him was emerging, and the man she married was nothing more than a child playing dress up. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what was wrong, but she knew this behavior wasn't right. Feeling scared and alone, she came home to be safe in the arms of her family.

When my mom told me they were separating, I was standing in my mom's bedroom. I went to her walk-in closet in cried like a baby. He was my brother, and now he was not going to be part of the family any more. My heart was crushed. I still hadn't realized the severity of David's illness. All I knew is that he wasn't going to be around, and for that I was sad. My sister seemed withdrawn and sad too. My niece and nephew s were so young, and didn't know what was happening. Then one day, David came for a visit. I was happy to see him and had truly missed him. The next day I received a phone call from my mom. David had taken the kids back to Pittsburgh with him, without my sister's knowledge. Technically he didn't kidnap them, but he took them in the middle of the night. That in itself is kind of sneaky and underhanded. The kids were gone for a couple of weeks. My parents were worried and my sis was more than frantic. She knew more than we did about her husband's condition. She still hadn't shared the dark secret-with anyone! Truth be told, he was not mentally stable and he now had all three children.

I don't remember how and when, but he decided to bring the children back to Florida. It was then that the family learned of David's horrible fate and what happened to him as a child. David was a victim of sexual abuse from an early age-by his own father. All the children in his family suffered the same chilling torture. He had repressed those events for years, until he couldn't hold back anymore. Eventually those feelings of hurt and rage came to a surface. David's child within had come out a ravaged and torn soul-with no where to turn. At this point I think he felt hopeless, and lived in great torment and fear. He left a note to my sister, explaining why he must end his life, He was afraid of becoming the monster that his dad had become. He didn't want to hurt his babies in the same manner. He felt that he would be better off dead.

By the time my sister found the note, it was too late. He was gone. His life ended by severe carbon dioxide poisoning. I don't know what was going through his mind at the time. All I know is that he was a young man in his early thirties. He had a whole life ahead of him. Yet, his torment overpowered everything else. The very person who crushed his spirit and broke his heart, found him dead in his own car in the garage that evening.

When I received that phone call, I can remember dropping the phone and crying out to God,” Why”? I carried this grief with me for nearly a year. This wasn't just my brother in- law, it was David; and I loved him like my brother. I lay on the floor of my baby girl's room and wept. I wept for nearly an hour. My husband held me as I wept even more. David was gone. And even though he made the choice to take his own life, I blamed his sick father for the vile acts he performed on an innocent child. Unless David received professional therapy, he would never recover. And whose to say even if he had years of therapy, that he would? His innocence was stolen from him, and his spirit was crushed-leaving him a broken down man and a hurt child. He was left standing-a broken arrow.

So now the age old question that came to mind. Did David go to hell for his act of self punishment? According to Webster, perhaps he didn't. After all David was not of a sound mind. I have had many talks with God on this one. This is speculating from a Christian point of view. According to the word of God, anyone who takes their life is acting like God and therefore does not enter the kingdom of heaven. It doesn't mention if the person is mentally ill, will they burn in hell. This was very personal for me. First of all, I couldn't conceive my brother burning in hell for eternity for a crime that he committed, while under mental duress. After a couple of years I made peace with my higher power on this issue. David was a hurting vessel, and did not clearly know the ramifications of his crime at the time. God is all merciful and therefore, my belief is that my dear David was not greeted with burning flames. However: I believe that God gave him some work to do for the hurting here on earth!

Why do I know that? David made his presence known on more than one occasion, during the most difficult and painful days if my life! He was there to help comfort me in my most painful moments. And when I lost my baby girl to a custody battle, I though if I wasn't here-then I wouldn't feel the pain. The thought of cutting my wrists occurred to me for a brief minute. But I chose to hold on and hang in there. I had that small glimpse of hope, that one day my circumstances would change-and they did! For David, I don't think he had one glimmer of hope. I think He saw no other way out. I was never violated in such a disturbing way. I will never know what it feels like to lose my own innocence by my own father. I have felt pain and I too have been that broken vessel, but not to that extreme. Am I making excuses for him? Certainly not. David was in pain, it was his pain. No one else can own your pain, but you. No one else can truly feel your pain, but you.

What happened to David? The pain was too much for his spirit to bear. He was broken and didn't know how to pick up the pieces. I haven't felt him near me in 17 years. Maybe now his soul is at peace. Maybe now his child can play and the hurt was mended by a merciful god. Maybe now David, you can smile.

This website is also dedicated to the memory of Brian, who took his life in 2008. Brian didn't get a chance to listen.

If he had listened, maybe he would have reconsidered committing suicide?